The truth is that there are many truths. As I continue to coach, more and more I see that we all really do have our own lens that we look through. That lens defines how we interpret conversations, non-verbal communication and emails. For example, I was working with two Senior Management team members. Each came to me about the exact same incident between them. As I was listening, it was like hearing two completely different scenarios. What one individual heard is not what the other individual intended or remembered saying. Each thought that the other didn’t respect or appreciate who they were or what they were doing for the company. Neither of them felt that the intentions of the other were coming from a place of sincerity. How do you solve this issue?
1. Define Where You Are Coming From?
We did some work around what was going on for each of them. Why were they so upset by the conversation? What values of theirs were being stepped on?
The first individual felt like the other person was not being conscientious of her people. They felt that the other individual had just barged in and asked her team members to work on things and answered questions that were not appropriate. The other person was trying to get something done quickly that would benefit the organization. This person was trying to go to whoever they could to make that happen. Both had good intentions, they just misunderstood where the other person was coming from.
2. Set the Image for How You Want This Relationship To Be
Come up with a mental picture of how you want to be with this person. The visual could be running on the same track but in different lanes, reaching out to help each other make it up the mountain or rowing in the same direction.
The next time you interact with that person, take a moment to think about how you want to “be” with them. If you want to work towards the image of helping them up the mountain, then reach out to them to help! Know that they may be in a funk and can’t take your hand right now, but keep offering it as you go. Do something that goes along with the theme of the image to encourage a different interaction. In this example, one of them had am image of both of them sitting on the same side of the table looking at the organization together and fighting for the organization together.
3. Explore What You Have in Common
Explore things like what is it that you both agree on? What do you both share as core values? Why are you here at this organization?
In the example above, both individuals loved the work and the organization. Both wanted to help it grow. They could use this to bond and stop the focus on each other and turn it toward the greater good.
4. Talk!
Get together and talk about how you want it to be, what is bothering you and what you want to do about it. Understanding one another is key. To come to an understanding you have to work to build the relationship and you can’t do that if you don’t talk and connect more as individuals.
Challenge:
This week choose someone you want to strengthen your relationship with. Pick a challenging individual at your office or in your personal life. Give these tools a try and post your experience in the comments below.